Tips for surviving Christmas (or any other celebration)
Let's talk about Christmas. For those who celebrate it, Christmas is a time of great excitement.
For autistic young people (and parents!), Christmas can be really difficult, not just the day, but the weeks preceding it. The school day is changing, nativity rehearsals, decorations are up around school, Christmas parties, relaxed timetable, Christmas Jumper day, the classroom is getting louder as excitement builds - all things which heighten their sensory experience and ability to regulate. The routine at home is changing, new smells, decorations, new foods, different activities, increased stress and excitement, shops are busier.
For many, anxiety can come from the overwhelm of expectation - “I should be having a fun time”, “I should be going to see Santa”, “I should know what presents I would like” and so on. The pressure can be huge even before the day.
The more that you can do leading up to December to plan for these changes, the more regulated you and they are likely to be.
Change your expectations, Christmas may not be like next door’s or the Christmas you had as a child. Its different but not necessarily worse.
Chicken nuggets for Christmas dinner, so be it
If they want to stay in their PJs - let them
Limit demands at home - I love Christmas decorations, my daughter couldn’t care less. So whereas as a child putting them up was an exciting family tradition, now I just do it myself with no expectations she will join in or even comment on them!
Consider letting them know what their presents are in advance - surprises can be really stressful, or consider not wrapping them or allowing them to open them in their own time wherever they might like to. Opening presents in front of family/guests can be really difficult.
Consider leaving their presents all in one pile rather than exchanging one by one.
Maybe spread out the opening of presents so its not so overwhelming.
Try to keep some structure to Christmas day, allow downtime (eg playing online with friends, watching tv), try to get outside for a walk/run/jump about.
Involve them in planning the day and let them know what the day will look like - what time shall we aim to eat? What veg should we have? Can you help me choose the puddings? Who is coming, how long will they stay, Do I have to be there?
It may be that you need to let family members/guests know of the adjustments you have made to your day before they come so that they understand that you are keeping it low key or that your child may be in their room for some of the day. This avoids conflict and disappointment on the day.
Talk to the school so that they can be mindful of the impact of Christmas activities and can build in alternatives or increase downtime in the school day for your child.
Avoid back to back social events, try and include downtime days.
Keep a calendar somewhere visible so they can see what day of the week it is (not so obvious over Christmas!) and what the plan is for each day. Talk them through each day ahead of each day.
Think back to last December, what was difficult? What was helpful?