Financial support - DLA and PIP

Understanding Disability Living Allowance (DLA) and Personal Independence Payment (PIP)

In the UK, Disability Living Allowance (DLA) and Personal Independence Payment (PIP) are both non means tested benefits (see current eligibility criteria below). DLA is available to children under 16 who meet the eligibility criteria and PIP is for those over 16.  I am not a benefits expert, nor am I encouraging you all to rush out and make a claim.  I did however want to share some information and tips which may reduce barriers to it, confusion and refusals.

I’ve spoken to many parents who think, as we did, that DLA or PIP are only for those with physical disabilities or complex health needs, those who have trouble walking or need a really high level of care.   There are different rates of benefit and if you or your child need more care and support than another person of the same age might then it is worth considering making an application.  Those assessing the claims look at what support is needed and how much time you take providing this support (especially at night).

It is important to apply as soon as you identify a need for support, rather than wait for a period of crisis.

What can DLA/PIP help with?

Types of support and care that may not be obvious could be:

Daily living support:

·        Costly period knickers if you/they cannot tolerate pads or tampons

·        Needing to help or encouragement to bathe. i.e. wash hair, clean teeth, shower etc.

·        Needing to buy more expensive clothing that is seam free/comfortable

·        Long periods of time spent encouraging a child to eat or the provision of a therapeutic diet (i.e. gluten free for celiac disease)

·        Support when out and about.  For example, a child who is over 12 can typically walk to the local shops or school alone.  If anyone (including adults) over this age needs an adult with them for safety, for reassurance or to cross roads/get public transport then it indicates that there is a need for this.

Social and emotional support:

·        Sensory equipment (e.g. ear defenders, fidget toys, wobble seat)

·        Support with socialising i.e. if they have a friend round you may have to remain in the same room to facilitate or ensure they don’t lash out if misunderstandings happen

·        Excessive reassurance at bed time or night wakings for reassurance

·        Excessive encouragement to get out of bed, leave her bedroom or the house

·        Needing to replace phones/tech frequently as they get damaged or are overused

·        Counselling/therapy

·        Spending several hours each week emailing the school, speaking to the school, collecting your child early from school.  Or similar facilitation or support with work or other activities those over 16 may need.

·        Support for self harm i.e. checking bedroom each evening for sharp items or securing the sharps in your kitchen

The Application process:

If you decide to apply and if you ring up for a form, you then have 6 weeks to complete the form and if successful any payment will be backdated to the day you phoned for the form.  Alternatively, you can download a form to complete and in some postcode areas you can complete online, but doing it this way you will not benefit from backdated payments.

Brace yourselves, there is no getting away from it, the form is lengthy and no fun!  Take your time with it.  Try breaking it down into sections and set yourself small goals for each day.

It is sometimes useful to think about each day from morning to night, write down all the things that you do relating to your child and jot down how much time you spend.  When you write it down you start to see just how much there is.  Ask a close friend or family member to help you identify other things you may have missed.  You will need to think about what life is like on a bad day to give a full picture of the support needed.

Providing evidence:

Gather all your most recent letters from GP, school, CAMHS or other health or social care professionals as you will need to include these with your claim.  Even an email from a teacher saying that your daughter had to leave the classroom again will be useful evidence.  If you need help with the form Action for Carers or the Citizens Advice Bureau are often able to help - don’t hesitate to get in touch with them.  You are not alone and many of us feel overwhelmed, so do ask for help.

Evidence with examples:

When completing the form, try and give examples to evidence what you are telling them.  For example, “Daisy can walk unaided, but if I am not with her she will easily get lost and get very distressed.  When we are out, if a loud motorbike or lorry goes past, she gets very agitated and distressed and needs lots of reassurance to carry on”.   Another example might be “Daisy becomes very agitated in the evenings, it takes us several hours to settle her to sleep, one of us needs to stay with her at all times and she is rarely asleep before midnight”.  The person reviewing the form only has a certain time to read each form, so by giving examples, you are making it clear for them to see the areas of need.

There is a section where a person who knows your child/you well can write a supporting statement.  This could be a professional (e.g. teacher, childminder, social worker) or this could be a grandparent or friend who comes round every day to help out.

Last but not least, always keep a copy of your application form, you can use the camera on your phone to scan it.  It will come in handy for any future applications.

If applying still feels overwhelming, you don’t have to do it alone. Family Avenues offers a 1:1 DLA Workshop where we break everything down together and help you create strong, detailed answers with ease. 

Need more information?

Disability Living Allowance (DLA) for children: Overview - GOV.UK (www.gov.uk)

https://www.gov.uk/pip/how-to-claim 

Current Eligibility Criteria for DLA and PIP (as of November 2024)

Disability Living Allowance (Children):

Eligibility

Usually, to qualify for Disability Living Allowance (DLA) for children the child must:

·        be under 16 - anyone over 16 must apply for Personal Independence Payment (PIP)

·        need extra looking after or have walking difficulties

·        be in England, Wales, a European Economic Area (EEA) country or Switzerland when you claim - there are some exceptions, such as family members of the Armed Forces

·        have lived in Great Britain for at least 6 of the last 12 months, if over 3 years old

·        be habitually resident in the UK, Ireland, Isle of Man or the Channel Islands

·        not be subject to immigration control

There are some exceptions to these conditions if the child is living in or coming from an EEA country or Switzerland.

The rules are different in Northern Ireland.

If your child currently lives in Scotland, you need to apply for Child Disability Payment instead.

You can claim DLA for children if you’re in or out of work.

If you’re not a British citizen

If you and your child are from the EU, Switzerland, Norway, Iceland or Liechtenstein, you will usually also need settled or pre-settled status under the EU Settlement Scheme to claim DLA for your child.

The deadline to apply to the scheme was 30 June 2021 for most people, but you might still be able to apply. Check if you can still apply to the EU Settlement Scheme.

Children under 3

A child under 6 months must have lived in Great Britain for at least 13 weeks.

A child aged between 6 months and 3 years must have lived in Great Britain for at least 26 of the last 156 weeks.

The rules on residence do not normally apply if a medical professional has said the child might have 12 months or less to live.

The child’s disability or health condition

The child’s disability or health condition must mean at least one of the following apply:

·        they need much more looking after than a child of the same age who does not have a disability

·        they have difficulty getting about

They must have had these difficulties for at least 3 months and expect them to last for at least 6 months.

If a medical professional has said they might have 12 months or less to live, they do not need to have had these difficulties for 3 months.

Care component

The rate the child gets depends on the level of looking after they need, for example:

·        lowest rate - help for some of the day

·        middle rate - frequent help or constant supervision during the day, supervision at night or someone to help while they’re on dialysis

·        highest rate - help or supervision throughout both day and night, or a medical professional has said they might have 12 months or less to live

Mobility component

The rate the child gets depends on the level of help they need getting about, for example:

·        lowest rate - they can walk but need help and or supervision when outdoors

·        highest rate - they cannot walk, can only walk a short distance without severe discomfort, could become very ill if they try to walk or they’re blind or severely sight impaired

There are also age limits to receiving the mobility component:

·        lowest rate - the child must be 5 years or over

·        highest rate - the child must be 3 years or over

If your child is under these ages and you claim DLA for them, you should be sent a claim pack 6 months before they turn 3 and 6 months before they turn 5. You can then apply for the mobility component if you think they’re eligible for it.

Source: www.gov.uk

Personal Independence Payment:

What PIP is for

Personal Independence Payment (PIP) can help with extra living costs if you have both:

·        a long-term physical or mental health condition or disability

·        difficulty doing certain everyday tasks or getting around because of your condition

You can get PIP even if you’re working, have savings or are getting most other benefits.

You can also read about PIP in Welsh (Cymraeg).

How PIP works

There are 2 parts to PIP:

·        a daily living part - if you need help with everyday tasks

·        a mobility part - if you need help with getting around

Whether you get one or both parts and how much you get depends on how difficult you find everyday tasks and getting around.

If you’re nearing the end of life (for example, due to a life-limiting illness), you’ll automatically get the daily living part. Whether you get the mobility part depends on your needs. Find out how to claim and how much you’ll get if you’re nearing the end of life.

Daily living part

You might get the daily living part of PIP if you need help with:

·        preparing food

·        eating and drinking

·        managing your medicines or treatments

·        washing and bathing

·        using the toilet

·        dressing and undressing

·        reading

·        managing your money

·        socialising and being around other people

·        talking, listening and understanding

Mobility part

You might get the mobility part of PIP if you need help with:

·        working out a route and following it

·        physically moving around

·        leaving your home

You do not have to have a physical disability to get the mobility part. You might also be eligible if you have difficulty getting around because of a cognitive or mental health condition, like anxiety.

How difficulty with tasks is assessed

The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) will assess how difficult you find daily living and mobility tasks. For each task they’ll look at:

·        whether you can do it safely

·        how long it takes you

·        how often your condition affects this activity

·        whether you need help to do it, from a person or using extra equipment

Source www.gov.uk

Just like me: recognising our own neurodivergence

A child being diagnosed as neurodivergent can lead to parents thinking about their own experiences both as a child and as a parent.  It wasn’t until my daughter was diagnosed and I learnt more about ADHD in girls that I got my own diagnosis and so much of my life made sense (a chapter for another book maybe!).

Many parents have told us that as they come to understand their own autistic children, they may recognise similarities in their own experiences.  It is very common for parents to seek a diagnosis after their own children.  That is not to say all autistic children have a neurodiverse parent!

For some, parenthood brings a spotlight to neurodivergence.  “Traits” may become more apparent as adults.   Seems odd right, you don’t suddenly become Autistic or catch ADHD.  Before becoming a parent, it may have been easier to mask or manage your needs (whether you recognised them as needs or not).  Feelings may have been internalised, attributed to personality flaws/differences.  After work you could be alone, spend time doing your hobbies, socialise on your terms.  Some adults find other ways to regulate/get that dopamine hit (eg alcohol, smoking).   Perhaps your anxiety was medicated.

When you become a parent, your child becomes your priority (rightly so!).  Our focus is on their needs and your own can be missed.  Parenting can be especially difficult when parenting tasks clash with your needs as a neurodiverse person.  For example, think how noise sensitivity clashes with a screaming baby/toddler; think of the dopamine needed to play that game they want to play but you can’t stand; your executive functioning skills are diverted to meeting your child’s needs and there is no capacity left for keeping the house tidy.   

The complexities of parenting:

Parenting as a neurodivergent adult adds an additional layer of difficulty, and it can come at the expense of one’s own wellbeing.   When you recognise your own needs, understand your neurodivergence (in whatever form it takes) are kind to yourself and accept yourself, you begin to parent differently.  

So, if this has resonated with you, take some time to think about what your needs are, how you can be kind to yourself and make life easier for yourself. 

Task:  Parenting Audit:

Try this, take a really honest look at your parenting – go over the past week.  Maybe discuss with a partner or close family member, someone you trust to be honest.  This isn’t about shaming, its about recognising the areas that we might struggle with, being mindful when they next occur and planning how to try and make changes.

1.     What was it like for your child to be parented by you this week? 

2.     What went well? 

3.     What was difficult? 

4.     What got more attention – your child or your phone?

5.     What would you go back and change?

6.     How would they know that you loved them this week?

7.     What activities did you do together?

8.     What has upset your child this week?

9.     What would your child say about you this week?

When you have done your audit, have a think about what would help make a difference next week.  We won’t suddenly change into Mary Poppins, what are small consistent changes that you can make?

Here are some examples of strategies you could try:

1.     Hate playing board games - set a timer and just play for 30 minutes

2.     Triggered by noise – wear ear plugs/headphones at home.

3.     Overwhelmed with cleaning/tidying – whack some music on, set a timer to spend and see how much you can get cleared in 15 minutes

4.     Don’t be afraid to say to your child – I need some time out, I’m feeling overwhelmed.  You are modelling regulation.

Lastly, if you are or think you are neurodivergent, I’d invite you to share this with your child.  Sharing your experiences, your challenges and successes will be very powerful for them, foster trust between you and boost their self esteem.

Tips for surviving Christmas (or any other celebration)

Let's talk about Christmas.  For those who celebrate it, Christmas is a time of great excitement. 

For autistic young people (and parents!), Christmas can be really difficult, not just the day, but the weeks preceding it.  The school day is changing, nativity rehearsals, decorations are up around school, Christmas parties, relaxed timetable, Christmas Jumper day, the classroom is getting louder as excitement builds - all things which heighten their sensory experience and ability to regulate.  The routine at home is changing, new smells, decorations, new foods, different activities, increased stress and excitement, shops are busier.

For many, anxiety can come from the overwhelm of expectation - “I should be having a fun time”, “I should be going to see Santa”, “I should know what presents I would like” and so on.  The pressure can be huge even before the day.

The more that you can do leading up to December to plan for these changes, the more regulated you and they are likely to be. 

• Change your expectations, Christmas may not be like next door’s or the Christmas you had as a child.  Its different but not necessarily worse.

• Chicken nuggets for Christmas dinner, so be it

• If they want to stay in their PJs - let them

• Limit demands at home - I love Christmas decorations, my daughter couldn’t care less.  So whereas as a child putting them up was an exciting family tradition, now I just do it myself with no expectations she will join in or even comment on them!

• Consider letting them know what their presents are in advance - surprises can be really stressful, or consider not wrapping them or allowing them to open them in their own time wherever they might like to.  Opening presents in front of family/guests can be really difficult.

• Consider leaving their presents all in one pile rather than exchanging one by one.

• Maybe spread out the opening of presents so its not so overwhelming.

• Try to keep some structure to Christmas day, allow downtime (eg playing online with friends, watching tv), try to get outside for a walk/run/jump about.

• Involve them in planning the day and let them know what the day will look like - what time shall we aim to eat?  What veg should we have?  Can you help me choose the puddings?  Who is coming, how long will they stay, Do I have to be there?

• It may be that you need to let family members/guests know of the adjustments you have made to your day before they come so that they understand that you are keeping it low key or that your child may be in their room for some of the day.  This avoids conflict and disappointment on the day.

• Talk to the school so that they can be mindful of the impact of Christmas activities and can build in alternatives or increase downtime in the school day for your child.

• Avoid back to back social events, try and include downtime days.

• Keep a calendar somewhere visible so they can see what day of the week it is (not so obvious over Christmas!) and what the plan is for each day.  Talk them through each day ahead of each day.  

• Think back to last December, what was difficult?  What was helpful?

Play and Connection in Neurodivergent Families

Play & Connection in Neurodivergent Families

How small moments of play can rebuild trust, regulation and connection.

Play is one of the easiest ways to connect with our children — “play” doesn’t always look like what you see on Pinterest. And that’s completely okay. This guide breaks down different play styles and shows how play can repair, regulate and strengthen relationships.

Why Play Matters

• Play helps everyone bond, laugh and reset.

• Children use play to explore emotions and “what if” scenarios — which is why play therapy works so well.

• Play doesn’t need to be neat, pretty or imaginative to be meaningful.

Different Kids, Different Play Style

1. Control Play

Some children need to direct everything: colours, characters, scripts.
It can feel restrictive, but it is connection.

Try:

Following their lead first (building trust).

Then gently adding boundaries:
“I loved colouring your way — now I’m choosing my own picture.”

If they take over your picture, it’s okay. Repetition helps them understand that other people also have autonomy.

2. “I Don’t Do Imagination!”

Not every child likes pretend play — and that’s completely valid.

Try:

Physical play: trampolining, walking, climbing.

Sensory play: water, rice, sand, textures.

Clear-rule games that feel safe and predictable.

3. The Board-Flipping Maniacs

If your child struggles with losing, games can feel like emotional landmines. You can still play — just adapt the approach.

Try:

Collaborative games where you win or lose as a team.

Practising tiny wins/losses in low-pressure moments.

Avoiding competitive games before bed or big events.

Modelling flexibility:
“Well… I lost HARD. That was hilarious.”

Starting 1:1 before introducing group play.

What Counts as Play? More Than You Think.

Gaming

Gaming absolutely counts as play. You can connect as Player 2 even if you’re not a gamer. Structured games like Mario Party or co-op games work brilliantly. And honestly? Today’s gaming pros are tomorrow’s digital creators.

Board Games

Great for kids who like rules and predictability. Collaborative games are ideal for children who find losing overwhelming.

Watching Counts Too

Sometimes simply sitting beside your child while they play is enough. Presence = connection.

Using Play During Dysregulation

When a child is dysregulated, their thinking brain goes offline. Quick play can help bring it back.

Try:

Music quizzes (guess the film/character/theme tune)

Simple trivia

Maths or history questions

Silly mini-challenges

Once they’re thinking again, shift to regulating activities: colouring, sensory play, movement.

Ideas That Work Well for Neurodivergent Families

Collaborative storytelling: toys, drawings, guided stories, monster fold-and-draw, story dice.

Messy play: cornflour goop, coloured rice, herbs, clay.

Physical/sensory challenges: “Find 5 round things,” star jumps, races, taste tests.

Small-scare games: Pop-Up Pirate, Crocodile Dentist, Don’t Wake Dad, Soggy Doggy.

Art play: free painting, follow-along tutorials, huge paper rolls, or water painting outside.

Mess is optional. Slime is optional. Glitter is optional. Connection is the goal.

Key Message

Play is connection.  It won’t always be smooth or tidy — but play can bring you back to each other after stress, overwhelm or conflict. Find the play that works for your family, not the Instagram version.

Struggling to connect right now?

A Family Avenues assessment can help your family find practical, realistic ways to reconnect when things are tough — tailored to your children’s neurotype and your family’s strengths.

Small changes can transform daily life. We can help.

How to create a sensory space at home.

A sensory space can be a powerful support tool for an autistic child because it gives them a predictable, calming place to regulate their emotions and nervous system. Many autistic children experience the world with heightened or reduced sensitivity, which can make everyday environments feel overwhelming, unpredictable, or exhausting. A dedicated sensory area provides a safe retreat where they can reset — lowering stress, improving focus, and helping them feel more in control of their body and surroundings. It can also encourage exploration, play, and self-soothing in a way that aligns with their sensory preferences rather than working against them.

Importantly, a sensory space doesn’t need to be big, expensive, or Instagram-perfect to be effective. For many families, a small corner of a bedroom, a sectioned-off area of the living room, or even a simple pop-up tent can offer the same benefits as a fully kitted-out sensory room. What matters most is creating a consistent, cosy, low-pressure environment filled with a few carefully chosen items that meet the child’s unique sensory needs — whether that’s soft lighting, comforting textures, movement opportunities, or quiet time. With a bit of creativity, you can build a meaningful sensory haven on any budget and in any home.

Equipment

Sensory swing

Mini trampoline

Sensory tunnel

Body sock

Weighted blanket

Weighted plushie

Weighted vest

Rocker board

Wobble board

Balance board

Balance beam

Fidgets

Vibration plate

Headphones or ear defenders

Climbing wall

Stepping stones

Play tent (black one to block out light)

Balance cushion

Balls

Exercise ball

Textured balls

Hopper ball

Peanut ball

Light up balls

Squishy balls

Stress balls

Ball pit with balls

Tables

Sensory tables

Light table

Light panel

Flooring

Foam tiles

Gym pats

Soft rug

Gel floor tiles

Sensory crash pad

Seating

Bean bag chairs

Wobble stool

Inflatable chair

Lighting

Christmas lights

Fairy lights

LED light strips

Sensory light projector

Waterfall light

Bubble tube

Lava lamp

Fibre optic lamp

Décor

Large pillows

Mirrors

Glow in the dark stickers

Sensory boards or sensory walls

Chalkboards or whiteboards

Magnet board

Asking for reasonable adjustments.

Reasonable Adjustments in Schools for Autistic Students

Simple, low-cost changes that can make school life easier

Every child deserves to feel safe, supported, and understood at school — and for autistic students, that often means making a few simple changes to help them thrive.

Under the Equality Act 2010, schools have a legal duty to make reasonable adjustments for disabled pupils, including those who are autistic.  These adjustments ensure that your child isn’t placed at a disadvantage compared to others — and many of them cost little (or nothing) to put in place.

This isn’t about asking for special treatment.  It’s about helping your child access learning in a way that works for them.

What Are Reasonable Adjustments?

“Reasonable adjustments” are practical steps a school can take to reduce barriers that make learning harder for your child. What’s considered reasonable depends on:

your child’s individual needs,

the school’s size and resources,

and how easily the adjustment can be made.

Most importantly, these adjustments are meant to help your child feel calm, capable, and included — not singled out.

Examples of No-Cost or Low-Cost Adjustments

Clear Communication

Use of visual timetables or written instructions.

Avoiding idioms or sarcasm; keeping communication clear and direct.

Providing reminders or prompts for key parts of the day.

Letting them know in advance of upcoming changes

Checking their understanding after a task is set

Predictability & Routine

Giving advance notice of timetable changes or special events.

Having a visible daily schedule.

Allowing extra time for transitions between activities.

Keeping seating arrangements the same

Sensory Support

Allowing ear defenders or fidget toys.

Seating your child somewhere with minimal noise or visual distractions.

Offering short sensory or movement breaks or access to a calm, quiet space.

Allow adjustments to uniform

Flexible Learning Approaches

Allowing work to be typed or dictated instead of handwritten.

Giving extra processing time to answer questions.

Not “cold calling” them in lessons (i.e asking them a question in front of the class)

Avoiding forced eye contact or group work if it causes stress.

Emotional & Social Support

Assigning a trusted adult or safe space your child can go to when overwhelmed.

Using calm, consistent communication.

Offering social alternatives — like quiet lunch clubs or supervised down-time.

Give them a job/responsibility to do on arrival at school – lay out pens, taking registers to classes.

Working with Your Child’s School

You don’t need to have an Education, Health and Care Plan (EHCP) to ask for reasonable adjustments.  If your child is struggling with anxiety, meltdowns, or sensory overwhelm, these supports can often be put in place quickly by the class teacher or SENCo.

The best approach is to start a collaborative, respectful conversation with the school — explain what helps your child and what specific changes would make a difference.

Template Email for Parents

Here’s a gentle but assertive email you can adapt when reaching out to your child’s school:

Subject: Request for Reasonable Adjustments for [Child’s Name]

Dear [Teacher’s Name / SENCo],

I hope you’re well. I’m writing to discuss some reasonable adjustments that could help support [Child’s Name] in school. As you know, [he/she/they] is autistic and sometimes finds certain aspects of the school day challenging.

Many of these adjustments are small, practical changes that can make a big difference.

Here are a few ideas that could help [Child’s Name]:

[List 3–5 relevant adjustments, e.g. use of visual timetable, quiet space at breaktime, notice of timetable changes, access to fidget toy, etc.]

I’d really appreciate the opportunity to meet and discuss what’s possible so we can work together to help [Child’s Name] feel comfortable and confident at school.

Thank you so much for your time and understanding.  Please let me know when would be a good time to meet or speak.

Kind regards,

[Your Name]
[Your Contact Information]

Final Thoughts

Advocating for your child doesn’t have to be a battle — it’s about working in partnership with the school so your child feels understood, supported, and happy to learn.

Remember: small adjustments can make a huge difference.  And as a parent, you’re the expert on what your child needs — your voice matters.

How to be a confident parent.

When my child was a baby, I read all the books — the sleep routines, the feeding guides, the “do this, not that” manuals. Each one had a different method. Each one promised it was the right way. I remember feeling completely confused and overwhelmed by all the mixed messages. In the end, I physically threw all the books in the bin and decided to do it my way.

Since my child’s diagnosis, that decision has become even more important.

I parent differently to how I was parented.
I parent differently to my friends who have neurotypical children.
I know they sometimes think I’m too soft… or too strict.
And yes, I do things as a parent of an autistic child that other parents might be horrified by.

But here’s the thing — I’ve learnt not to care.
I parent my child in the way they need to be parented, and in the way that works for us.

So…

If they need their iPad to regulate — I won’t be confiscating it.

No, we don’t visit Father Christmas. They’d hate it.

If they want to eat dinner in their bedroom because they’re dysregulated — so be it.

If they need an occasional duvet day from school to reset — so be it.

If they want to do homework sitting on the kitchen floor — so be it.

These are your children. This is your parenting journey.

You know your child better than anyone.  Have confidence in the way you choose to meet their needs.

And if anyone questions it, just smile and say:

“We do what works for us.”

At Family Avenues, we believe there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting — just the one that works for you and your child.

Our favourite books for parents of neurodivergent children

For this picture blog, we’ve pulled together a list of our favourite (and most recommended) books for parents.

p.s There are never ads or affiliates in our blogs, just our honest recommendations!