Play and Connection in Neurodivergent Families
Play & Connection in Neurodivergent Families
How small moments of play can rebuild trust, regulation and connection.
Play is one of the easiest ways to connect with our children — “play” doesn’t always look like what you see on Pinterest. And that’s completely okay. This guide breaks down different play styles and shows how play can repair, regulate and strengthen relationships.
Why Play Matters
Play helps everyone bond, laugh and reset.
Children use play to explore emotions and “what if” scenarios — which is why play therapy works so well.
Play doesn’t need to be neat, pretty or imaginative to be meaningful.
Different Kids, Different Play Style
1. Control Play
Some children need to direct everything: colours, characters, scripts.
It can feel restrictive, but it is connection.
Try:
Following their lead first (building trust).
Then gently adding boundaries:
“I loved colouring your way — now I’m choosing my own picture.”
If they take over your picture, it’s okay. Repetition helps them understand that other people also have autonomy.
2. “I Don’t Do Imagination!”
Not every child likes pretend play — and that’s completely valid.
Try:
Physical play: trampolining, walking, climbing.
Sensory play: water, rice, sand, textures.
Clear-rule games that feel safe and predictable.
3. The Board-Flipping Maniacs
If your child struggles with losing, games can feel like emotional landmines. You can still play — just adapt the approach.
Try:
Collaborative games where you win or lose as a team.
Practising tiny wins/losses in low-pressure moments.
Avoiding competitive games before bed or big events.
Modelling flexibility:
“Well… I lost HARD. That was hilarious.”
Starting 1:1 before introducing group play.
What Counts as Play? More Than You Think.
Gaming
Gaming absolutely counts as play. You can connect as Player 2 even if you’re not a gamer. Structured games like Mario Party or co-op games work brilliantly. And honestly? Today’s gaming pros are tomorrow’s digital creators.
Board Games
Great for kids who like rules and predictability. Collaborative games are ideal for children who find losing overwhelming.
Watching Counts Too
Sometimes simply sitting beside your child while they play is enough. Presence = connection.
Using Play During Dysregulation
When a child is dysregulated, their thinking brain goes offline. Quick play can help bring it back.
Try:
Music quizzes (guess the film/character/theme tune)
Simple trivia
Maths or history questions
Silly mini-challenges
Once they’re thinking again, shift to regulating activities: colouring, sensory play, movement.
Ideas That Work Well for Neurodivergent Families
Collaborative storytelling: toys, drawings, guided stories, monster fold-and-draw, story dice.
Messy play: cornflour goop, coloured rice, herbs, clay.
Physical/sensory challenges: “Find 5 round things,” star jumps, races, taste tests.
Small-scare games: Pop-Up Pirate, Crocodile Dentist, Don’t Wake Dad, Soggy Doggy.
Art play: free painting, follow-along tutorials, huge paper rolls, or water painting outside.
Mess is optional. Slime is optional. Glitter is optional. Connection is the goal.
Key Message
Play is connection. It won’t always be smooth or tidy — but play can bring you back to each other after stress, overwhelm or conflict. Find the play that works for your family, not the Instagram version.
Struggling to connect right now?
A Family Avenues assessment can help your family find practical, realistic ways to reconnect when things are tough — tailored to your children’s neurotype and your family’s strengths.
Small changes can transform daily life. We can help.