Building Your Own Village
When we’re asked what support we have around us, we often think about family — or friends who visit.
But for many families, that isn’t the reality.
Sometimes family and friends don’t live nearby.
Sometimes they do, but aren’t able to offer the kind of support we need.
And sometimes, those relationships just aren’t there.
Over time, I’ve come to realise that we often have to build our own village of support — and that support doesn’t always look how we expect.
Some of the most meaningful support can come from people we rarely, or never, meet in person.
Online spaces can be incredibly powerful.
Facebook support groups, local NAS groups, forums, and connections formed through shared experiences can offer understanding in a way that’s hard to find elsewhere.
One of my greatest sources of support is a WhatsApp group with two friends who are also mums to autistic children.
We rarely see each other in person.
We don’t visit each other’s homes or babysit for one another.
But we message every day.
We share the highs and the lows, the funny moments, the exhausting ones.
We trust each other with the hard stuff.
We notice when one of us is struggling — and we show up.
When you connect with other parents who understand your reality, something shifts.
You don’t have to explain yourself.
You don’t have to justify your parenting.
You don’t have to apologise.
They get it — and you get them.
And that kind of understanding can lift a huge weight.
So if your “village” doesn’t look how you expected, you are not alone.
You are allowed to build one that works for you.
Join the groups.
Find your people.
And if privacy is a concern, it’s okay to create a separate profile to do so.
Support doesn’t have to be close by to be meaningful.
Sometimes, the most important support is simply knowing that someone else understands.
At Family Avenues, we often talk about the importance of connection — because no family should feel like they are navigating this alone.
Siblings: managing different needs
I was talking to a family last week about how to juggle the needs of different siblings and the challenges this can bring. When there are neurodivergent siblings in a family, parents are often balancing very different needs at the same time. One child may need significant support, flexibility or accommodation, while another may appear more independent or able to cope with everyday demands.
Over time, this can create complicated feelings within the family. Some siblings may feel overlooked, confused by different boundaries, or unsure why expectations seem to vary. These feelings are entirely understandable and deserve space to be acknowledged.
In practice:
“It makes sense that it might feel unfair sometimes when your brother needs more support and attention.”
“You don’t get less love but it might sometimes look like she gets more attention”.
“Your sister’s brain reacts very strongly to demands, so sometimes we have to approach things differently.”
“That can make it look like the rules are different, and I understand why that feels frustrating.”
Honesty about a situation builds trust.
One helpful way to approach this is to focus on the difference between fairness and equality. Equality means everyone receives the same thing, but fairness recognises that different children sometimes need different types of support.
In Practice:
“Fair doesn’t always mean the same. Sometimes people need different things.”
Examples that work well with teens:
Glasses for someone who can’t see
Crutches for a broken leg
Extra time in exams
Open conversations can help siblings understand this without dismissing their feelings. At the same time, it’s important for parents to make space for each child to feel seen and valued in their own right.
Intentional one to one time is one of the greatest protective factors for siblings. Small moments of one-to-one connection, listening to concerns without rushing to fix them, and recognising each child’s strengths can help strengthen sibling relationships and create a family environment where everyone feels they belong.
In Practice:
Even short, predictable time helps:
weekly coffee / hot chocolate trip
short walk together
watching a show together
driving somewhere together
If this resonates with your experience as a parent, you may find it helpful to talk things through with someone who understands the complexities of neurodivergent family life.
At Family Avenues, we offer supportive parent consultations where we can explore practical strategies tailored to your family.
Rainy half term ideas
🍕 Takeaway in a den
Blankets, fairy lights, sofa cushions, pizza boxes.
Same food. Completely different vibe.
(Extra regulation points for eating on the floor.)
🎧 Silent disco afternoon
Everyone wears headphones. Different music.
Zero arguments. Maximum dopamine.
You can dance, lie on the floor, or just vibe.
🛁 Pyjama spa day (no water pressure)
Fluffy socks, hand massage, hair brushing, face masks, calming scents.
No “relax properly” expectations — just cosy sensory input.
📦 Box day
Big cardboard boxes = spaceships, hideouts, shops, animal dens.
No instructions. No outcome. Just build, crawl, sit, exist.
🍟 Breakfast for dinner (or dinner for breakfast)
Totally legal. Mildly rebellious.
Predictable food + novelty = calm win.
📖 Read to your child (even if they can read)
Lights low. No questions. No comprehension chat.
Just being held by a story.
🎮 Cooperative gaming, not competitive
Games where you work together, build together, or explore.
Regulating, connecting, low emotional stakes.
🕯️ Candlelit hour (battery candles!)
Lights off. Lamps low. Quiet music.
It’s amazing how quickly nervous systems settle.
🎥 Film… but make it an event
Tickets, printed menu, intermission snacks, cosy nests.
Structure without pressure.
🧺 “Do nothing” permission slot
Put it in the schedule.
Valentine’s Day, Autism, and Relationships
Supporting Autistic Young People with Friendships, Love, and Connection
Valentine’s Day is everywhere in February. Hearts, flowers, romance, friendship bracelets, and endless messages about what relationships should look like.
For many autistic young people, this time of year can bring up big feelings – curiosity, confusion, longing, excitement, anxiety, or a sense of being “out of step” with their peers. And for parents and professionals, it often raises questions:
Do they want relationships?
How do friendships and romantic feelings show up for autistic young people?
How do we support them without pushing or protecting too much?
There’s no single autistic experience of relationships – but there are common differences worth understanding.
Relationships Aren’t Less Important – They’re Often Experienced Differently
A common myth is that autistic people are “less interested” in friendships or romantic relationships. In reality, many autistic young people deeply want connection – but may experience it, express it, or approach it differently from neurotypical peers.
Some autistic young people may:
Prefer one or two very close relationships rather than a wide friendship group
Feel overwhelmed by the unwritten rules of socialising
Experience emotions very intensely but struggle to express them in expected ways
Take language literally, which can make flirting, teasing, or “mixed messages” confusing
Need more time alone to recover from social interaction
None of this means they don’t care. Often, it means they care a lot – sometimes so much that relationships feel risky or exhausting.
Friendship Can Look Different – And That’s Okay
Neurotypical friendships are often built around frequent contact, shared activities, and constant communication. Autistic friendships may look quieter, deeper, or more interest-based.
For example:
A friendship based on gaming, animals, trains, or art may feel far more meaningful than casual chat
Seeing a friend once a month might feel perfect rather than “not enough”
Parallel play or shared silence can feel connecting, not awkward
Difficulties can arise when autistic young people are judged against neurotypical friendship norms, rather than supported to build relationships that suit them.
Romantic Relationships and Sexuality: Curiosity, Vulnerability, and Risk
As autistic young people grow older, romantic and sexual feelings often emerge in the same way they do for neurotypical peers – but navigating them can be more complex.
Autistic young people may:
Take people at their word, increasing vulnerability to exploitation
Miss red flags or struggle to recognise unhealthy dynamics
Find rejection deeply dysregulating
Need explicit teaching around consent, boundaries, and online safety
Feel intense attachment very quickly
Avoiding these conversations doesn’t protect autistic young people – it increases risk. Honest, clear, developmentally appropriate discussions are essential.
How Parents and Professionals Can Help
1. Talk openly – and literally
Avoid euphemisms and assumptions. Clear, direct language helps autistic young people make sense of relationships, consent, and expectations.
2. Validate difference, not deficit
Instead of trying to make relationships look “normal”, support young people to understand their preferences, needs, and limits.
3. Teach boundaries explicitly
Boundaries don’t come naturally to everyone. They often need to be taught, practised, and revisited – for both physical and emotional relationships.
4. Support regulation around relationships
Friendship and romance can be incredibly dysregulating. Helping young people understand their nervous system responses (anxiety, shutdown, overwhelm) is just as important as social skills.
5. Be curious, not panicked
If a young person shows intense feelings, withdraws socially, or becomes fixated on someone, curiosity and support are far more helpful than alarm or control.
A Final Thought for Valentine’s Day
Love, connection, and belonging are human needs – but they don’t come in one shape.
For autistic young people, relationships may be slower, quieter, more intense, more fragile or beautifully unique. Our role isn’t to force them into neurotypical moulds – it’s to help them understand themselves, stay safe, and build connections that genuinely work for them.
And that, Valentine’s Day or not, is something worth supporting all year round!
The power of No
Many of us discover our own neurotype while trying to understand and support our children. For me, that discovery came alongside peri-menopause. At the same time all the coping mechanisms I’d carefully stashed away to help me function in a world that doesn’t always feel comfortable suddenly fell away.
It felt like accidentally walking under a waterfall I didn’t know was there with nothing to keep me dry. Bonus points if you’re also parenting neurodivergent children going through puberty (oh, how Mother Nature laughs at us).
I’ve been lucky. My children have taught me so much about myself that I don’t think I would ever have realised without them. I have never regretted learning how my brain works and how to gently reframe things to help me grow.
One of the things I’ve learned is that I have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). In simple terms, this means my brain can interpret very small things as total rejection, instantly and convincingly. Not being included in an event can become, “they don’t like me.” Not being asked to be in a photo on a night out can become “I’m not important in this group.”
Many neurodivergent people experience RSD. And, as with so many things, understanding what my brain is doing has helped. I can now notice those thoughts, recognise them for what they are, and gently move past them. Everyone does not hate me — that is my nervous system trying to protect me by scanning for threat. Alongside this, I have a strong desire to make others happy and fix things for them — classic people pleasing. For a long time, I put everyone else’s needs before my own — not just close friends and family, but pretty much anyone. I still care deeply about people feeling safe and supported by me, whether we’ve met once or known each other for years. What’s changed is that I no longer do this to my own detriment.
I used to believe that if I said no, I would be letting people down. That they wouldn’t like me. That I’d end up with no friends. I’ve hit burnout many times because of this. When I had children and they needed me more than strangers did, I realised I had to become more boundaried and protect my resources.
I still find saying no difficult. But I now know it’s okay.
I can say:
No, sorry, I need an evening at home.
No, sorry, I’ll be too tired.
Reducing what I commit to has also meant I let people down far less, because I’m not constantly over-stretching or double-booking myself (most of the time).
The real point of this blog is simple: it is okay to say no.
If a professional suggests a visit time that doesn’t work, it is okay to say, “That doesn’t work for me.”
I got caught out by this repeatedly with my daughter’s school. When the SENCo asked for meetings, I’d often say something like, “It’s difficult because I’ll have just finished an overnight, but if there’s no other option I can make it work.” What she heard was yes — and that’s fair, because that’s what I’d said.
What I actually needed to say was no.
Another time would almost certainly have been offered. It might not have been the SENCo’s preferred time, but it would have been one that worked for both of us. Instead, this pattern created tension. I felt unheard, and I was often tired, less patient, and more abrupt in those meetings. When I’m rested, I’m far more measured and thoughtful in how I communicate.
The SENCo was responding to my words. I was being vague. No is not vague.
It’s also okay to give yourself space before committing. Saying something like, “I just need to check my calendar before I confirm,” is a complete sentence. It allows you to check whether something genuinely works for you — not just whether you can force yourself to endure it.
Where saying yes props up broken systems
I’ve also seen the cost of not saying no from the other side — as a social worker. When I worked in an assessment team, I regularly held more families than others. We had allocation meetings where managers would outline new referrals and ask who had capacity. When no one volunteered — and people said they didn’t have space — I would often say I could take it.
My assumption was that everyone else was being honest. That they were as stretched as I was, also working beyond capacity. And at the end of the day, this was a family who needed help. Someone had to do it. So that someone was usually me.
I worked long hours, many unpaid. I didn’t take proper breaks. I carried constant stress — not just from the complexity and emotional weight of the work, but from the relentless pressure of meeting timescales with an impossible workload.
What I later realised was that not everyone was working with the same mindset — and that work was not being fairly distributed.
Yes, there were clear flaws in the allocation system. Realistically, allocations should have been made by managers to workers with the right skill set and the capacity. But I can now see that my goodwill and strong work ethic were quietly exploited. I didn’t advocate for myself. I should have said no.
And this matters — because when professionals say yes and absorb the pressure, the system appears to function. Targets are met. Waiting lists move. On paper, things look manageable. But the cost is carried by the individual.
When we work unpaid hours, skip breaks, and push through exhaustion, we mask the problem. The system flows, and the worker suffers. Services are not held accountable because the shortfall is hidden.
Sometimes systems have to fail to show that they need support. Funding and staffing are not increased unless need is clearly demonstrated. I know budgets are tight. I know local authorities are under enormous financial strain, with deficits and debts under constant scrutiny. But we are not individually responsible for holding broken systems together at the expense of our health.
Saying no is not a failure of professionalism.
It is professional integrity.
For parents and professionals alike
I’ve seen parents who push themselves at work because of RSD, people-pleasing, or a desire to be “seen as reliable,” only to be undervalued or taken advantage of. Sometimes their line manager focuses solely on their need to reduce hours, work flexibly, or leave at short notice because of their child’s needs — without recognising the enormous value and contribution they are already making.
This is exactly why saying no is so important. It protects your energy, your wellbeing, and your ability to engage meaningfully — at home, at work, and in the wider system.
Here’s what this really comes down to:
· When we say yes when we shouldn’t, the system looks like it’s working but it isn’t.
· Over-functioning individuals prop up under resourced systems.
· Goodwill masks failure.
· Burnout is not a personal flaw, it’s often evidence of systemic misuse.
· If we never say no, nothing ever changes.
Saying no protects your capacity, your sanity, and the quality of your contribution. It allows systems to be held accountable and gives space for real change to happen — for individuals and for families alike.
Saying no isn’t selfish.
It’s ethical.
And sometimes, it’s the most caring thing you can do.
Children’s book recommendations
Here are some books that are great for children and either include neurodivergent characters or have an neurodivergent theme.
*as ever, none of these are sponsored, just books we love!
When schools get it right
Among the stories of school battles and unmet needs, I wanted to share something different – the moments across their different schools (infant, Junior and Secondary) got it right for my autistic child. These aren’t grand expensive interventions, just thoughtful consistent actions.
Pre-diagnosis and recognising their social struggles, giving them a clipboard at breaktime with a quiz on it to give them a focus.
Giving them a “job” to help listen to the younger children read before school. They felt important and needed and it helped boost their confidence.
The teacher taking time to check in that they understood a task after setting it to the class, not assuming they did as they stayed quiet.
The young maths teacher who hands out blu-tac to children at the start of each lesson so that they have something to fidget with.
The member of staff who when they were being bullied casually asked them at lunch “do you want to stay with me this lunchtime?”
The same member of staff (who taught them in a previous year) who makes a point of patiently stopping and chatting to them each day, bantering with them and making them laugh each day.
Their art teacher who knowing they were going through a tough time asked if they wanted to go to the art room at lunchtime where the older GCSE students (two of whom were their friends) were allowed to be at lunch.
Movement breaks.
Uniform infractions are ignored! That their blazer is not always on is ignored.
That trampolining in PE is their idea of hell is understood. They aren’t made to do it.
In Spanish, they won’t speak out loud in that language in front of the class. That’s understood and any oral tests are done in private.
Teachers don’t “cold call” them and put them on the spot in a lesson.
In Science, the lovely teacher writes notes back and forth to them if they are upset. They feel safe writing it down rather than it being overheard by other students.
Rather than being made to go outside at breaktimes, they and their friend are allowed to walk the school corridors allowing them quiet and space to regulate.
They are never told off for being late to school or class.
Every member of staff in the school knows their name (in a good way I hope!) and they all say “good morning”, “lovely to see you”, fist pump them and made them feel valued and welcomed in the school.
No school is perfect, and no child’s journey is without bumps along the way. But, along the way there are moments where staff really saw them. Not just the struggles but their spark. Those moments make them feel safe, understood and genuinely cared for. And they are worth shining a light on. Its also these little acts of understanding and kindness that balance out the more difficult aspects of being at school and help build their resilience. To get all Socialworky, the protective factors for them at school. And for this I am endlessly grateful.
National Resources List
National Autistic Society – Professional Resources
Guidance for professionals working with autistic children and adults
Toolkits, training resources, and research briefings
🌐 https://www.autism.org.uk/professionals
ADHD Foundation – Professional Resources
ND-informed training, webinars, and consultancy for schools, social care, health and workplaces
Evidence-based practice guides
🌐 https://www.adhdfoundation.org.uk/professionals
Ambitious about Autism – Professional Guidance
Best practice guides for education, transitions, social care
Research summaries and resources for multi-agency teams
🌐 https://www.ambitiousaboutautism.org.uk/professionals
Contact (formerly Contact a Family) – Professional Support
Resources on disability rights, benefits, social care law, and family support
Toolkits for working with parents and carers
🌐 https://contact.org.uk/professionals
Council for Disabled Children (CDC)
National umbrella organisation for children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND)
Evidence-based guidance for professionals and local authorities
🌐 https://councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk
The British Dyslexia Association – Professional Advice
Guidance for schools, social care, and health teams on supporting dyslexic children
Training resources and evidence-based practice tools
🌐 https://www.bdadyslexia.org.uk/professionals
Dyspraxia Foundation – Professional Resources
ND-informed guidance and professional training for dyspraxia support in children and adults
🌐 https://dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/professionals
Mental Health & Crisis Support Guidance for Professionals
PAPYRUS – HOPELINE247
Guidance on supporting children and young people at risk of suicide
Advice for professionals on safeguarding, referrals, and crisis management
🌐 https://www.papyrus-uk.org
Samaritans – Professional Guidance
Resources for professionals supporting those in distress or at risk
🌐 https://www.samaritans.org/professionals
Mind – Workplace & Professional Resources
Mental health information, training and toolkits for supporting families and staff
🌐 https://www.mind.org.uk
Additional Professional Support & Networks
Neurodiversity UK – Professional Network
Peer network, events and ND-informed practice resources
🌐 https://neurodiversityuk.co.uk
Autism Central – Professional Directory & Resources
National database of services and guidance for professionals
🌐 https://www.autismcentral.org.uk
Emotional Wellbeing & Crisis Support (UK-Wide)
Available to children, young people and adults
PAPYRUS – HOPELINE247
(For children and young people under 35)
📞 0800 068 4141
📱 Text 07860 039967
🕒 24/7 support
Confidential support for young people experiencing suicidal thoughts
Advice and support for parents and carers
🌐 https://www.papyrus-uk.org
Shout – Text Support
📱 Text SHOUT to 85258
🕒 24/7
Free, confidential text support for anyone in emotional distress
🌐 https://www.giveusashout.org
Samaritans
📞 116 123
🕒 24/7
Emotional support for anyone struggling or feeling overwhelmed
🌐 https://www.samaritans.org
Childline
(For children and young people under 19)
📞 0800 1111
🕒 24/7
Confidential counselling by phone or online chat
🌐 https://www.childline.org.uk
NHS Urgent Mental Health Support
📞 NHS 111 → Option 2
Immediate mental health support for all ages
🌐 https://www.nhs.uk
📚 Further Information & Signposting
Autism Central
National autism information hub and directory
🌐 https://www.autismcentral.org.uk
Afasic
Support for speech, language and communication needs
🌐 https://www.afasic.org.uk
UK Police Neurodiversity / Autism Alert Card Schemes (2026)
How this works:
Most UK police forces offer alert cards or similar communication aids so officers can recognise and respond more appropriately to neurodivergent people (often autism, communication needs, sensory differences).
National Police Autism Association
National & Multi-Force Schemes
Tri-Force Autism Alert Card (London)
For: Metropolitan Police, City of London Police & British Transport Police
Description: Autism alert card & passport identifying autism and communication needs.
Access: Email autism@met.police.uk to request/apply.
National Police Autism Association
Regional / Force Schemes (England & Wales)
Anglia (Essex, Suffolk, Norfolk, Cambridgeshire, Hertfordshire & Bedfordshire)
Scheme: Autism Alert Card (Autism Anglia)
Description: Card to show police/emergency services that holder is autistic and may need support.
Apply: 🖥️ https://www.autism-anglia.org.uk/our-services/autism-alert-card/
Autism Anglia
Thames Valley (Berkshire, Buckinghamshire, Oxfordshire, Milton Keynes)
Scheme: Thames Valley Autism Alert Card
Description: Free card to explain autism and communication needs to officers or other responders.
Apply: 🖥️ https://www.autismberkshire.org.uk/thames-valley-autism-alert-card/ �
Autism Berkshire
West / Central England (Staffordshire, West Midlands, West Mercia, Warwickshire & British Transport Police)
Scheme: Autism Alert Card (regional)
Description: Credit-card style autism alert card recognised by local forces; includes emergency contact details.
Apply: Online form via your local force (e.g., Staffordshire Police).
Humberside Police
Scheme: Neurodiversity Alert Card
Description: Card to communicate neurodivergent needs (eg autism) to officers; includes space for contacts and personal info.
Obtain: Free from local police stations or download.
South Yorkshire Police
Scheme: Autism Alert / Learning Disability / Mental Health Alert Cards
Description: Free cards to help police and emergency services understand specific needs and how to communicate effectively.
Apply: See South Yorkshire Police alert card downloads page.
South Yorkshire Police
Leeds (West Yorkshire Police)
Scheme: Leeds Autism Alert Card
Description: Coproduced card to help communicate autism needs (name, communication preferences, emergency contact).
Apply: 🖥️ https://leedsautismaim.org.uk/resources/leeds-autism-alert-card/
Leeds Autism AIM
Other / Multi-Force Supportive Schemes
Pegasus Card
For: Nottinghamshire, Lincolnshire, City of London, Surrey, Sussex, Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire & Cambridgeshire
Description: PIN-based stored info system for emergency calls; card allows services to access preferences nationally.
Access: Contact your local force for registration details.
E-Card (Lancashire & Greater Manchester)
For: Lancashire Constabulary & Greater Manchester Police
Description: Emergency info card supporting communication needs in crisis/emergency situations.
Access: Request via local force or NHS/community services.
Keep Safe Cymru Card (South Wales)
For: South Wales Police
Description: Vulnerability ID card (learning disability, communication needs, autism) to support interactions with police/emergency staff.
Access: Via South Wales Police / Keep Safe Cymru partners.
Helpful Resources
👉 NPAA Full UK Force Alert Card List (click your local force for details):
🖥️ https://www.npaa.org.uk/alert-card-schemes/
National Police Autism Association
Being a professional and a SEN parent
Knowledge does not protect you from trauma when it’s your own child.
I was a social worker long before I became a parent. I worked with hundreds of children and families, professional networks and family courts under all kinds of different circumstances. I knew so much about attachment and child development and how these can be affected by different childhood experiences.
But, in the early days of my career, neurodivergence wasn’t something we were trained to look out for let alone support people with. How I’d love to turn the clock and be back in the living room of so many parents and give them better advice and guidance. I’m sharing this because I have been ‘that professional’ who doesn’t get it. But I DID care. And when awareness and research started to improve, I embraced this and adapted my practice accordingly.
My two children are both autistic and yet they couldn’t be more different. My daughter also has other associated conditions and requires a lot more support both at home and at school.
Around the same time my son was diagnosed as Autistic at age 10, my daughter who is 3 years younger than him, hit burnout. Overnight my happy bouncy sparkly girl deteriorated before our eyes and I hadn’t seen it coming because her neurodivergence didn’t present the same as her brother’s - shocker right?!
However, because of my job, and because I was lucky enough to have professional friends, I was able to quickly recognise what was happening. Then very soon after, Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) hit.
As a professional, I could articulate what was going on. And I did. I put everything in writing and kept paper trails. I accessed every resource I could to get my daughter’s needs diagnosed and supported. But, being her mum, what I couldn’t have been prepared for was the emotional toll. The shock of seeing my child suffer so significantly floored me. I had to learn how to care for my own mental health through this crisis.
About a year later it was apparent that my daughter would need an EHCP to be able to access enough support for her to remain in education. You would think that being a professional would make it easier to navigate the EHCP process wouldn’t you? It didn’t.
In fact, it made it worse. Because I wasn’t a professional in my daughter’s world. I was ‘just mum.’ I won’t go into the ins and outs of our EHCP journey but to many, it would be all too familiar. The frustration I have felt at times has driven me to despair. Because I knew what was supposed to happen, I knew what my daughter needed and I followed every due process but too often found myself forced to fight for the right outcome. I am writing this in past tense but as fellow SEND parents know, there may be milestones but there is no finish line.
That said, I have made allies along the way which has made it all easier than it would have been otherwise. Once my daughter’s school understood the gravity of what she was going through they really got on board and have bent over backwards to help her and also help get the right provisions secured in her EHCP. I enlisted an incredible advocate who has taught me so much and given me the confidence to shout from the rooftops for my child’s legal rights.
So, what I’m saying is that if you are a professional, whether that be a social worker, teacher, mental health professional or health care worker, and find yourself navigating SEND parenthood, I get it. It’s conflicting, infuriating and empowering all at the same time. And it doesn’t matter how qualified you are; knowledge doesn’t protect you from trauma when it’s your own child!
And it’s absolutely ok to feel every emotion and seek any support you need to look after you. You must put your own oxygen mask on first in order to keep doing what you need to do for your child.
Home Visits: A professional’s guide to engaging autistic young people (and parents)
Sometimes, engaging an autistic young person during a home visit (whatever that visit is for) takes a bit more thought and planning in order to get as much engagement as possible.
So here are some do’s and don’ts.
1: Don’t visit unannounced. Let them know you are coming ahead of time. Surprises are not fun.
2: Do say why you are visiting. “I’m visiting so we can discuss xyz”.
3: Do be on time. If you say 2pm, be there at 2pm, not earlier, not later.
4: Do let them know how long the visit will likely be.
5: Do tell them about you ahead of time. If this is your first visit, why not send a profile of yourself, with a photo. Maybe a text of email “Hi Jack, I’m Nick, your new Youth Worker. This is a photo of me. I’d like to visit you next Monday at 3pm. I’d like to talk to you about how school is and tell you about the work that we do”.
6: Do think about the language that you use. Avoid vague terms like ‘frequently’, ‘regularly’. “You need to brush your teeth twice a day” is clearer than “You need to brush your teeth regularly”.
7: Do give time. Take the time to get to know them, to build a rapport. Ask us about their interests, show genuine interest.
8: Don’t force or expect eye contact. Sit alongside rather than opposite them. Maybe do something physical whilst talking – colouring, go for a walk, playing a game. A lack of eye contact is not rudeness or disinterest.
9: Do check their understanding.
10: Don’t bullshit. If you can’t do it, say so. If its not going to happen, say so. Don’t offer false promise. Don’t break trust as you will never get it back. Be transparent, clear and straight forward.
11: Do offer alternatives – don’t assume everyone can do or wants to do a video call or a phone call. Ask them what their preference is for communication. This could be voice notes, email, texting.
12: Do lay off the perfume/aftershave/cigarettes that day. Strong smells may be distracting or alienating.
13: Do consider the sound of your voice. If you have a naturally loud voice, tone it down a bit.
14: Do get their preferred name right. If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t know how to pronounce their name, ask. Ask them for their pronouns and use them correctly. “I use she/her pronouns, what do you prefer?”.
January is Application Season: DLA Tips for the New Year
For many families, the thought of applying for Disability Living Allowance (DLA) feels overwhelming — especially during busy months. That’s why January has quietly become application season: the time when many parents finally have the space, clarity, or emotional capacity to begin.
If you’ve ever said, “I’ll start the DLA form after Christmas,” you’re not alone — and you’re not behind. January is the perfect moment to take small, gentle steps forward.
Here’s how to begin the process without feeling overloaded.
1. Recognise the signs that it may be the right time to apply
For many families, the festive period highlights just how much support their child needs day-to-day.
You may be ready to apply if:
Your child’s care needs are consistently higher than other children their age
You provide constant supervision for safety
Daily routines require adult support (dressing, eating, regulating emotions)
Your child experiences sensory overwhelm that impacts daily life
School raises concerns or adjustments are being discussed
You, as a parent, feel exhausted from the level of support you’re giving
None of these are failures.
They are signals that your child may meet the criteria, and you deserve support.
2. Start with observations, not perfection
Many parents freeze because they don’t know where to start.
Here’s the truth: your everyday life is the evidence.
Begin by writing down:
Difficult moments or challenges
Any meltdowns or shutdowns and what triggered them
Sleep habits
How long tasks take and what help you provide
Any sensory difficulties
Emotional support needs
Times when you need to intervene for safety
You don’t need to word things perfectly.
Rough notes are more than enough at this stage — you can shape them later.
3. Break the form into small, manageable chunks
The DLA and PIP forms are long, but they don’t need to be completed in one go.
Try:
10–15 minutes a day
One question per day
Filling rough notes first, then refining
Doing the hardest sections on a day when you have support
Taking breaks as needed
Slow, gentle progress will get you there.
It’s not a race.
4. Focus on the areas the form actually measures
Parents often worry they’re “exaggerating” or “being negative.”
But the form is not asking about your child on their best days.
It’s asking about the support they need on an average or difficult day.
Important areas to include:
✔ Emotional & regulation support
How often do you support meltdowns, shutdowns, anxiety, or overwhelm?
✔ Supervision & safety
Do you need to watch them more closely than a typical child their age?
✔ Sensory needs
Do lights, sounds, transitions, clothing, or smells affect daily life?
✔ Eating, dressing, hygiene
Do they need help, prompting, or supervision?
✔ Communication & understanding
Does your child struggle to process, follow, or retain information?
✔ Behaviour
Not “naughtiness” — but dysregulation, distress, or shutdowns.
✔ Sleep
Frequent waking? Co-sleeping? Early rising? Difficulty settling?
Every detail helps the assessors understand your daily reality.
5. Ask for support when you need it
You don’t have to do this alone.
Reach out for help if you:
Feel emotionally overwhelmed
Don’t know how to phrase something
Want someone to read through your draft
Need clarity on what the questions really mean
Are unsure what evidence to include
Sometimes having someone by your side makes all the difference.
If you need help, Family Avenues offers gentle, step-by-step support to make the process clearer and less stressful — but there’s no pressure. Even free guidance can go a long way.
A gentle reminder to end on
Starting the form is always the hardest part.
Once you take the first step — even writing a single sentence — you’re already moving forward.
You are not behind.
You are not doing this too late.
You are doing what’s right for your family, in your own time.
And you don’t need to do it alone.
A January Reset: Creating Calm After Festive Overload
After the brightness, noise, excitement and complete routine-disruption of Christmas, many neurodivergent children enter January feeling overwhelmed, dysregulated, or simply exhausted.
If your child is more sensitive, clingy, emotional, withdrawn, or harder to settle right now — nothing is wrong. Their nervous system is coming down from weeks of sensory input and unpredictable change.
January can be the perfect moment for a gentle sensory reset. Here’s how to bring calm back into your home — for your child and for you.
1. Lower the sensory demands
The fastest way to support a child after Christmas is to reduce what’s coming in, not add more stimulation.
Try softening the environment by:
Turning off background noise such as TV, radio or constant music
Using lamps instead of overhead lights
Tidying away visually busy toys or decorations
Keeping one room intentionally “quiet”
Offering more downtime than usual
Children who feel “too much” often become overwhelmed, emotional, or reactive. Reducing sensory load gives their system space to settle.
2. Re-establish predictable rhythms
Not strict routines — just gentle anchors.
After Christmas, children benefit from knowing what to expect. Try introducing:
Consistent mealtimes
A short quiet time after school
Predictable morning steps (e.g., get dressed → breakfast → shoes)
Simple transition warnings (“Five minutes left, then tidy.”)
Visual prompts or soft verbal cues
Predictability is calming because it removes the pressure of constant surprise. For autistic and ADHD children especially, rhythm = safety.
3. Refresh or create a “calm space”
A sensory-regulating safe space doesn’t need to be fancy. It just needs to feel predictable, cosy and low-demand.
Ideas include:
A pop-up tent or canopy
Cushions, blankets, weighted items
A beanbag, low lighting or fairy lights
Noise-reducing headphones nearby
A box of familiar comfort toys or fidgets
Encourage your child to use this space whenever they feel overwhelmed. It helps them reconnect with their body and settle after sensory overload.
4. Choose activities that soothe — not stimulate
After a busy festive season, choose sensory activities that regulate rather than excite.
Try:
Deep pressure
Bear hugs (if tolerated)
Weighted blankets or lap pads
Massage or firm squeezes on arms/shoulders
Proprioceptive input
Pushing hands against a wall
Carrying something safe but heavy
Crawling under cushions or blankets
Slow, rhythmic movement
Rocking in a chair
Gentle swaying
Walking outside in fresh air
These activities help the nervous system move from “high alert” back to a sense of groundedness.
5. Lower expectations — and build in recovery time
January is not the month for harsh routines, strict expectations or “new year, new you” pressure.
Your child has just navigated sensory overwhelm, social demands, disrupted routines and emotional highs. You have too.
It’s okay to:
Cancel plans
Have quieter weekends
Reduce after-school activities
Offer simple meals
Spend more time resting
A calmer month now can prevent meltdowns, shutdowns and burnout later.
A final reassurance
You don’t need to overhaul your whole home.
You don’t need to fix everything at once.
Even one or two changes can make a meaningful difference.
Your child is not struggling because you did anything wrong — they’re simply recovering from a season that was designed around sensory overload.
A gentle January helps everyone breathe again.
If you’d like support with routines, sensory needs or family connection, Family Avenues is here to help you find clarity and calm.