All things Stimming
More than what it looks like
When people hear the word stimming, they often picture hand flapping or rocking.
And yes — those are forms of stimming.
But that’s only part of the picture.
Stimming (short for self-stimulatory behaviour) is something many autistic people — and neurodivergent people more broadly — use to regulate their emotions, process sensory input, and feel more in control of their environment.
It isn’t just something children do. It isn’t always obvious. And it isn’t something that needs to be “stopped”.
What is stimming?
Stimming refers to repetitive movements, sounds, or behaviours that help a person regulate.
This might be:
• calming themselves when overwhelmed • focusing or concentrating • expressing excitement • managing anxiety • or simply doing something that feels good
For many, it’s a natural and essential way of coping.
It doesn’t always look how you expect
Some stimming is easy to recognise.
But much of it is subtle — especially in older children and adults.
More obvious stimming
• Hand flapping • Rocking • Spinning • Repeating sounds or phrases • Jumping or pacing
Less obvious stimming (often missed or misunderstood)
• Twirling or playing with hair • Picking at skin, nails, or clothing • Chewing on pens, sleeves, or inside of cheeks • Tapping fingers or feet in patterns • Clicking pens or opening/closing objects repeatedly • Rubbing fabrics, labels, or textures • Re-reading the same sentence or paragraph • Doodling repetitive patterns • Listening to the same song or sound on repeat • Shifting posture frequently
These behaviours are often seen as habits, fidgeting, or even “distracting behaviour” — but they are often doing an important regulatory job.
Stimming in adults
Many adults still stim — but it may look different.
Over time, people often learn to mask or adapt their stimming so it appears more socially acceptable.
This might look like:
• tapping a foot under the table • fiddling with jewellery • using a phone or scrolling repeatedly • drinking or smoking more frequently • needing constant background noise
Sometimes, adults don’t even realise they are stimming — they just know certain things help them feel calmer or more focused.
Why stimming matters
Stimming is not “bad behaviour”.
It is:
👉 communication 👉 regulation 👉 a coping strategy
When we try to stop stimming without understanding it, we risk removing something that is helping the person manage their environment.
Do we ever need to worry?
In most cases, no.
Stimming is a healthy and important part of regulation.
However, it may need more attention if:
• it is causing physical harm (e.g. skin damage, hair pulling) • it is causing significant pain • it is putting the person or others at risk
Even then, the goal isn’t to stop the stimming entirely — it’s to understand the need behind it and support safer alternatives.
What actually helps
The most helpful starting point is curiosity.
Rather than asking:
👉 “How do I stop this?”
Try asking:
👉 “What might this person need right now?”
Helpful approaches
✔ Allow safe stimming If it isn’t causing harm, it’s often best to let it be.
✔ Look for patterns When does it happen? What’s going on just before?
✔ Reduce overwhelm Stimming often increases when environments feel too much.
✔ Offer alternatives (if needed) Fidget tools, chewable items, or sensory objects can help where behaviours are causing discomfort.
✔ Support regulation proactively Movement breaks, quiet time, or sensory input before things escalate.
✔ Respond with curiosity, not correction This shift alone can change everything.
A final thought
Not all stimming is visible. Not all stimming is understood.
But for many people, it is an essential part of how they move through the world.
When we begin to see stimming not as something to stop, but as something to understand, we move closer to supporting people in a way that truly meets their needs.
At Family Avenues
We support families and professionals to better understand behaviour, reduce overwhelm, and find strategies that work in real life.
👉 Explore our free resource hub or services to find out more.
Building Your Own Village
When we’re asked what support we have around us, we often think about family — or friends who visit.
But for many families, that isn’t the reality.
Sometimes family and friends don’t live nearby.
Sometimes they do, but aren’t able to offer the kind of support we need.
And sometimes, those relationships just aren’t there.
Over time, I’ve come to realise that we often have to build our own village of support — and that support doesn’t always look how we expect.
Some of the most meaningful support can come from people we rarely, or never, meet in person.
Online spaces can be incredibly powerful.
Facebook support groups, local NAS groups, forums, and connections formed through shared experiences can offer understanding in a way that’s hard to find elsewhere.
One of my greatest sources of support is a WhatsApp group with two friends who are also mums to autistic children.
We rarely see each other in person.
We don’t visit each other’s homes or babysit for one another.
But we message every day.
We share the highs and the lows, the funny moments, the exhausting ones.
We trust each other with the hard stuff.
We notice when one of us is struggling — and we show up.
When you connect with other parents who understand your reality, something shifts.
You don’t have to explain yourself.
You don’t have to justify your parenting.
You don’t have to apologise.
They get it — and you get them.
And that kind of understanding can lift a huge weight.
So if your “village” doesn’t look how you expected, you are not alone.
You are allowed to build one that works for you.
Join the groups.
Find your people.
And if privacy is a concern, it’s okay to create a separate profile to do so.
Support doesn’t have to be close by to be meaningful.
Sometimes, the most important support is simply knowing that someone else understands.
At Family Avenues, we often talk about the importance of connection — because no family should feel like they are navigating this alone.